Szczesny’s hilarious assessment of former Arsenal teammates

Tomas Rosicky
You watch ‘Little Mozart’ play with great pleasure. His movement on the pitch was impressive, full of class and grace. I still believe he must be the richest footballer I know. He never spent any money. The whole time I was at Arsenal he had the same car, a 2005/6 Mercedes, and he only wore clothes from his sponsor. The only thing he didn’t spare on was his guitar.

Aaron Ramsey
He never considered football as a tactical game. He is the guy who runs for the whole 90 minutes. He runs more than any player I’ve played with, 13 kilometres per game with no problem. In my opinion, he’ll be a great addition to Juventus.

Samir Nasri
He always thought he was some kind of gangster. Everyone has this guy at school, who had strong and big friends and it made him think he’s cool.

Alexandr Hleb
He could have achieved more in football. He still made a great career but he liked to drink.

Thierry Henry
The best player in Arsenal’s history. The best player in Premier League history. He was very demanding, especially on the youngsters. The guys always said they were afraid of him in training. When you failed a pass, he got pissed and let you know he’s not happy with you very vocally. Great guy.

Jack Wilshere
My best friend, alongside [Grzegorz] Krychowiak. At my wedding he got so drunk, we were looking for him everywhere for two hours and found him sleeping in bushes. He had one injury that he never really fixed and it’s caused the next and the next. He’s one of the greatest talents, I ever met. Because of injuries he now plays in West Ham rather than a big European club.

Robin van Persie
You have to admit, he left for Manchester United and the following year won a title, however, after that he got benched, moved to Turkey and his big career ended. He could have made other decisions and achieved lots more at Arsenal. He’s extremely arrogant – sometimes.

Nicklas Bendtner
One of the most intelligent guys I played with. You see Nick, well-organised, neat, in-form and it seems everything is going great for him. The next day you open a newspaper and read – “Drunk Bendtner driving wrong way” and you are like, what the fuck? I don’t know, he’s a guy with two personalities. The most confident guy I played with.

Gervinho
Who thought he would be in the top 40 I played with?! Add one more 0.

Olivier Giroud
The most handsome player I played with, and he knows it. He loves himself, even more than [Grzegorz] Krychowiak. You know, little beard comb, oils for chest. Great guy and a very underrated player.

Bacary Sagna
In my opinion, Bac, at his peak was the best right-back in the Premier League. When the game wasn’t going well for us, I’d just pass long balls to him on the halfway line. We used to train for this and 98 times out of 100 he’d win the ball.

Hector Bellerin
Heccy still has lots to improve in defence. Now that he’s a wingback, he’s giving more offensively. His style is a little weird, but whose isn’t. He got that from his mum.

Mesut Ozil
Seven times he’s brilliant, two times he’s horrible. He’s not lazy as people say. Great guy. He can’t stabilise his form in the Premier League and I really can’t tell why. He has unbelievable vision on the pitch. You watch a match on TV and you’re like, “how has he seen that? I haven’t and I’ve got the whole screen on TV.”

Lukas Podolski
I remember, and I’m not lying to you now, that in training, when Poldi got the ball inside the box, 10/11 metres out, I didn’t want to save it. I just covered my head. I swear, I just protected the head. He’s a really funny guy and yet for all that a really normal person.

Andrey Arshavin
Hilarious guy, he has the funniest laugh ever. The season he joined us, we played lots of small games in training and we were like, “wow, we are going to win the league”. We didn’t.

Santi Cazorla
We were at a training camp in Cologne, Germany when Santi joined us. In the first training session, we played small games. After training, the guys gave Arsene a round of applause for signing Cazorla. Slow, small, but one of the best I’ve played with. He has an unbelievable mind and technique. I can’t tell what was his best asset, but you played with him and were like, “Oh my God, he’s so good.” Lovable, friendly, always smiling. I’m not wanting to insult him but he did have a tendency to gain weight.