Dear Diezani: How your box of jewelry can build us 349 Pencil-manufacturing Companies 

Dear Diezani,
So so sorry that this nation is bothering you yet again. Quite funny that it is your box of jewelry that is under attack this time.
Well, for me it’s really not about the numbers though. 2149 pieces of jewelry aren’t quite a big deal nowadays.
Women love to accessorize themselves. Even an ordinary small-girl-big-god slay queen can have as much bag of jewelry.
Our celebrities have that much. And for some, it is their fashion that gets such boost. Even male celebrities.
For instance, we all saw AY the comedian’s wardrobe, how large and fully stocked it was. The revelation was sexy because he is not the Minister of Petroleum or anything close to a Government official.
At least, American and British officials didn’t say AY personally organized the diversion of $6 billion (N1.2 trillion) from the Nigerian treasury. AY wasn’t charged with responsibility for $20 billion missing from the Petroleum agency.
Rather it was your name that carried all such allegations. They called you a thief.
A common thief.
Sorry, there’s nothing common about $26bn.
A nation can be bought at $26bn. In fact, we can buy Ghana and Cameroon at $26bn.
So it is about the monetary numbers not the number of items.
Whereas a Slay Queen can have 7000 body accessories. The quality and cost can amount to just N70k. Or cheaper, depends on the market they visit.
And damnnnn, ladies know their markets. They know where to get cheap things that will make them look expensive.
But we are talking about you, not slay mamas. This box of jewelry of yours is said to worth $40m.
That is 14.4 billion in Nairas.
N14.6bn worth of jewelry?
If 1000 people share that amount, they’d all end up having 14million naira.
If we place 243,333 poorest Nigerians on a monthly salary of N5000. It will conveniently cover the salary for a year.
We have 43 Federal Universities, 48 State Universities, 27 Polytechnics, 152 Colleges of Education and 79 Private Universities in Nigeria. That is a total of 349 higher institutions.
If we share this $40m spent on jewelry among these academic institution. We would have N42m for each of these higher learning institutions. That will solve the decaying infrastructure in these institutions. You need to see some of the toilets of these Universities.
And with $40m we can decide to kill unemployment. As in, we can dwarf the level of unemployment in Nigeria.
We can build 349 Pencil-manufacturing Companies around these schools with N42m each. And run a yearly employment program in association with the National Youth Service Corps.
Nigeria has 240 prisons. That money can solve the demonic problem suffered by our prison system.  We can build N59m correctional facilities for each of the 240 prisons.
So, madam, you see why we are mad at this?
But I get you though. I understand you.
You have asked us to show compassion for you as you battle cancer.
You once addressed your accusers and Al Jazeera back in 2016.
You put it this way, “people who are battling cancer or those who have lost their loved ones to this medical condition understand what I am going through at this time. This is what makes me ponder at the cold-heartedness of those who will go any length to defame and destroy in the name of propaganda. What happened to shared humanity?”
At least you have the means to access cure or treatment for your cancer.
There are people with cancer in Nigeria who just die slowly on their beds without any form of treatment. Because they can’t afford the treatment.
N14b would address such health situation drastically. But…
You and other past/present leaders never bother about these matters because you guys have secured your future with stolen money and can afford good health facilities across the globe.
And yes I know some persons have tried to argue on your behalf as well.
That you were born in wealth, grew in wealth, worked in wealth. And it’s not a crime that you are super wealthy.
And yes that’s a good debate. For instance, if these jewelry were own by a Kardashian. No one will query them.
Maybe that is why you should attempt to come and argue your case in the court. As you rightly noted in 2016, “in which court of law, anywhere in the world was I prosecuted by the EFCC and found guilty of corruption?”.
EFCC wanted to prosecute you in absentia. You got a lawyer. At some point, the court said no. So they continue investigating and working with the British crime unit for your extradition.
Even now. The court only temporary ordered forfeiture of your $40m worth of jewelry. Meaning you can still show up on August 23rd of this year to stop the order.
British law does not permit extradition once it is investigating a foreign criminal. They will rather investigate and prosecute the suspect in the UK. Whatever they recover will be sent to his or her home country.
EFCC hasn’t been happy with the UK for this. But somehow, Buhari just assented to a bill on cooperation between Nigeria and any country on dealing with issues like this.
Perhaps things will look up now.
You could be tried there. And EFCC does the same here if you get extradited.
One day this case will be tried and concluded.
Until then, I miss you though.
Nowadays, the minister of petroleum is boring and wears no fancy necklace or wristwatch.
We will investigate him too when he is done with his tenure.
Your Bling Bling spotter,
PS: One Nafiu (@nafeezi) tweeted his opinion on this subject: ” Strike a deal to free Danjuma Goje of a N25 billion fraud case. Go to the public the next day with a fatuous story claiming you have secured forfeiture of $40m worth jewelry from Diezani. The section of the public that has suspended their critical faculties then cheer you.